Liberating ways of the new

Letting go of the past self-image is key to learning things about oneself.

“If you look for racism, you will find it,” was the shortest advice an uncle gave his niece as she shared her concerns about going abroad to study. While the issue seems specific, the essence of her uncle’s response is one that strikes at the core of many of the concerns we carry, as we leap past ourlakshman rekhas. The fear of the unknown breeds an army of conflicting thoughts. Normally, as a conditioned response, we look and invite the very things we are afraid of!

For many students who have navigated the storm of exams and are choosing a course of study, the next step, along with the endless paper work, would be a shift from the familiar to the unfamiliar. While for some this might be a change in city or country, for others it might mean a new institution or even a work internship before joining an academic programme. Whatever form or shape it takes, the move would normally be accompanied by a mixture of fear and excitement.

Many students confide that while they look forward to a newfound freedom they also feel weighed down weighed down by a sense of responsibility and an anxiety to face the unknown. Even in today’s information age, where we have data at our finger tips and can virtually experience life in a new city even before we arrive there, the human response to face something new has not changed. In fact, sometimes, a deluge of information and knowing everything beforehand might even deprive you of the opportunity of experiencing something fresh.

Open mind

Many years ago, I met a young lady from Midwest America who had come to India on a three-month internship before graduating from college.

She had never been to the country before, but, in our brief conversation, she got to experience different levels of a city. Using the information and the Internet as a base, she made numerous local contacts which expanded the way she viewed the city.

Some experiences were painful (like being cheated by an auto driver or having her purse stolen at a bus stop), but what was refreshing was her attitude. At no point did she judge a whole community or curtail her internship because of these incidents. “It could have happened back home, too. We have our share of rotten eggs!” A maturity gained not from textbooks, but from experiencing life with an open mind and heart.

Start afresh

A student who was popular in his college found it difficult to fit into a new institution. The anxiety to prove himself made him seem overconfident, and his overbearing ways distanced him from his classmates. It took a few painful experiences for him to acknowledge this and after a few months of being on an emotional rollercoaster, he realised that the best way to enjoy his new school was to let go of the need to be popular.

Over the course of the study, he joined a theatre group, and, as an amateur, impressed the group with his willingness to do odd jobs, run errands and learn from other actors. “I became popular in a different way. Looking back, it was so wonderful not to be that same old popular guy anymore,” he said. A new environment can give us an opportunity to learn things about ourselves that we never knew. When we let go of some of our past self-images, it can be liberating.

Home sweet home

There will be days when you feel you want to go home. It is a natural part of the process. Keep the channels of communication open at home and with your network of friends — a sense of familiarity always helps.

I can still recall the joys of going to a theatre to watch a Bollywood film, and the comfort of curd rice and pickle after weeks of alternative cuisine, on one of my stints abroad. The world is getting smaller, and you will find places and people who will temporarily help you relieve homesickness. And, thanks to the multiple communication devices such as Skype, FaceTime and WhatsApp available today, you might never feel like you have left home (this is a whole new problem)!

Recently, a beautiful gem of a film called Kaaka Muttai made its debut. While this charming film touched many concerns, the scene where the two slum children go into a pizza parlour was especially touching. They have such a sense of dignity and confidence in venturing into an alien space that no obstacle undermines their inherent belief in life and themselves. A beautiful lesson on navigating life. And yes, as always, enjoy your journey!

Source | The Hindu | 21 June 2015